FTBM Podcast Ep299: Rebuilding Emotional Connections with Your Partner

FTBM Podcast Ep299: Rebuilding Emotional Connections with Your Partner

V: [00:00:00] what I hope that listeners and viewers really keep in mind as you're listening to these awesome tips that can be implemented any time of the year, not just on Valentine's Day, is that this isn't to get to a point of judging your relationship. So when you're hearing Sheila speak and thinking about, you know, am I doing this? Does my partner do this or not do this? It's not about judging the partner or judging the relationship, but it's really thinking about what's the one thing I can begin to implement that perhaps was lost through time, that we can start to bring back, to bring that fun and spice and curiosity within your relationship.

You are listening to the Free to Be Mindful podcast, where busy moms get practical tips and real talk conversations to find calm joy in a little more breathing room in everyday life. I'm Vanessa Licensed therapist, mom, coach, and a mom to a tween and toddler. Each week we get honest about motherhood and mindset helping you live with more presence, less pressure without losing your well, you [00:01:00] know. Here we go.

Hello and welcome to the Free To Be Mindful Podcast. I hope you're feeling good, looking good and doing better in this world than you were yesterday.

I am very excited for my guest today because I admire folks who work with couples so very much because while I know I have the gift of working with children and just with moms. Doing couple work is I feel a whole nother skillset and definitely a different passion.

And my guest today is a person who definitely has this passion and is so very good at what she does. She's my friend, Sheila Arias, who is a first generation licensed marriage and family therapist in New York and in New Jersey, who specializes in relational and couples work with bipoc individuals and couples.

By the way, BIPOC, in case you didn't know, stands for Black Indigenous People of Color.

Sheila does such [00:02:00] awesome work not only within the therapy scope, but also through intensives and as a coach.

I know that the conversation you're hearing today is going to provide you with tips that you can implement as soon as you're done with listening to this episode, that you can bring intentional connection to your relationship, whatever it is that that looks like. Here we go. 

V: Sheila, welcome to the Free To Be Mindful podcast. I'm so glad you're with us today. 

Sheila: Hi Vanessa. Thank you for having me today. 

V: My pleasure. So we heard a little bit of your introduction, but I'd love to give you more space to share a fun factor. Anything else you'd like us to know? 

Sheila: A fun fact is that I am an amazing salsa dancer and it's something that I hope I can be more mindful of incorporating in my either day to day or whatever that means in scheduling, just because it's fun, it's creative, and I think it's a nice way just to connect with your body [00:03:00] when we carry so much tension.

V: Yes. I love that. Fun fact. We have so much in common. We're both from Dominican Republic. We are both moms of two, a girl and a boy. We are both in Jersey. We're both therapists and we're both, I'm going to just put it out on a limb, say it amazing salsa dancers because I used to perform once upon a time ago, before, before the children.

Sheila: Wow. I didn't know that, but that's a nice, fun fact to learn about you. 

V: Yeah. If you YouTube my name out there, some things will come up. I, I'd like to get back to it, but it's just making the time for you, which is what we're gonna talk about today too. 

Sheila: Yes, yes. 

V: So I always give you a lot of credit because being a couple's therapist I feel is intense, and I'm like, whoa, I would never be able to do that. But then a lot of people say being a kid therapist, that's intense. I'd never be able to do that. So tell us a little bit about your journey of becoming a therapist and why you chose that as your [00:04:00] specialization. 

Sheila: So it's interesting because I had my fair share of working with children and youth. So that's where my journey started prior to becoming a therapist. I was a case manager, for six, seven years. I worked with a lot of families and these were immigrant children and youth. So there was just a lot of factors and complexities with that work. And I know I wanted to help people. But I didn't wanna be a social worker, you know, no shade to social workers. But I was like, I feel like I want something more like in this collective form. And I remember having a colleague who now is one of my bestest friends who was finishing up her marriage and family therapist training, and she started talking about it and I was like, oh, I think this aligns with what I wanna do. So I embarked in that journey.

Did I think I was gonna become a couples therapist, particularly in specializing that? No, not at the time. I was like, I just wanna help people. But then once, getting hours for licensure, et cetera, kind of moving forward. I started to work more with like [00:05:00] young adults and I started to realize like, oh, I like the young adults. And then I had some sprinkles of couples. But I wanna say after having my son almost four years ago, that's when I really dove deep into couples.

It's been almost four years. And I think being able to work, there's two particular couples that come to mind. I'm no longer working with them anymore, but I think they really allowed me to see the joy that I see and witness the progress and change with two people versus when you work individually with someone.

And what I do, especially once the couples already have the tools, I start to step away. It's kind of like that Homer Simpson. It's funny 'cause I had a client mention that yesterday to me, that analogy, the stepping away to the bushes. That's what I do, where we can have an hour session and maybe I spoke for like two minutes because they were able to, and I'll share some of the tools, right? And like the interventions that I used with couples. But I'm able to witness that and then at the end I'm [00:06:00] like, you did this, you did that, you did that, and then that's it, right? 

V: Yeah. 

Sheila: It had the stressors, but again, because it's two people. Not only the timing, but you're getting both sides versus when you're just getting one side with an individual, right?

Yes. And I'm sure you have your experience even working with kids where, they're may be complaining about their moms, for example, but if mom was to be there, you're like, oh, but what about this piece, right? 

V: Oh, absolutely. And when I do check in with a parent, then all of a sudden it's like a completely different story and you can start putting the pieces together.

Sheila: Yes. So that's what I enjoy about relational work, couples work is that you're getting multiple stories, right? Because even within one person, there's a lot of narratives surrounding their experience. So I'm able to really connect that and it just allows me to help them create kind of this blueprint of like, how do we move along in your relationship? Right? Create something that's sustainable.

V: So in terms of therapy and branches, there's of course social work. They're psychologists, there are [00:07:00] counselors, there are psychiatrists who are more in the medical field, but do do some therapy.

And Sheila is an LMFT, which means Licensed Marriage and family therapist, which means that your training gives you the background of helping relational work, whether it be with couples or with families. 

Sheila: Yes. I'm trained to work with systems and what that means is more than one person. So our training is not only in a relationship if that's parent child, couple, an entire family. But we are also trained to work schools, we can work in these bigger institutions, right?

So yes, I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist, so our training is more relational and life stressors versus maybe other type of clinical trainings that are more like psychopathology, more in diagnoses. Right. And this is more like how is life impacting this individual. And that's the kind of like how I like to separate and the way that we're trained, but then also how I show up and help my clients. 

V: And I'm sure that [00:08:00] your background also, pushes a lot into the way that you show up. 

Sheila: Yes, because then that's when I bring culture. I bring gender. So when I say systems, it's like the ecosystem, right? Or the solar system. How all of these different things work together- if they weren't together, then my earth wouldn't exist, for example. So that's kind of the framework that I. bring with any client, even if it's an individual or a couple that I work with, is how are these systems?

So that's when I also bring my lived experience. Being first generation Dominican, being a woman of color, right. Growing up. Right. Born and raised in New York. Now, I guess I'm a New Jersey. Been almost five years. And how are we kind of bringing all of that? And I bring that, you know, those parts of my couple or my clients into it too.

Say, how is this impacting this? So that's just kind of a how we're trained, and how we view issues, challenges, anxiety, depression, right? Yes. That we hear a lot in our, in our spaces. And then how do I support right with that information? 

V: Yes, and I appreciate that [00:09:00] you brought that up because so often when people are looking for a therapist first, they don't even know where to start. But it's so important, and we talk about this all the time, that you find somebody who's going to understand you and your lived experiences. And obviously it's not going to be maybe a hundred percent. But you want closest too, the 99.9 as possible. And again, whether it be gender or perhaps age and culture plays a big piece into that.

And now going into the couple's work a little bit because this episode is coming out around Valentine's and we wanna make sure that we give folks tools as to how they can help their current situations, their current relationships now, but also not just around Valentine's, 'cause I feel like you should be working on your relationship year round because it's something that you experience year round.

And as we were saying, culture and a lot into that. So what are some things that people should begin to maybe look at their relationships through a different [00:10:00] lens? 

Sheila: One question that I usually ask when I'm in the reflection part, right? Or if like a couple is arguing and when I argue, like I'll sometimes have couples get escalated in a session, but they're just kind, there's differences. I like to pause. And I think too often we get consumed into like how I'm experiencing this. And if we're able to ask ourselves, I wonder how come my husband, right, and I'm just speaking from like a wife's perspective right now. How come my husband stays quiet whenever I'm talking to him about the kids, right? Or like having to do something right. Or how come he lashes out or he seems like he's distracted.

Like I invite each individual in their relationship to kind of put a pin on themselves because we always know how we're experiencing something, right? I feel this, you know, he did this or she did this to me. Can we pause and ask ourselves how come my husband, my wife, my partner, right? However you identify. They're showing up in this way.[00:11:00]

I think too often we live in a world that we're just looking outside. Right. And we don't take a mindful moment to reflect and really be curious. So curiosity, compassion, and connection are like my mantra when it comes to my practice, which is compassion therapy and I want to really invite anyone that I work with, but specifically couples to be curious about themselves of course, but their partners.

So when you mentioned culture, gender, right? All these different, factors that make us, us, those are them. The type of questions that I invite my couples to ask each other. This is how I create dialogue. 'cause I think too often we sometimes think like, oh, the couples therapist is only facilitating. But in the practice and them learning how to effectively communicate, 'cause that's why couples come to therapy, is practicing dialogue in the session. So I'll pose the question, but then I have each partner ask, and then I do a speaker and listener, which means you cannot interrupt [00:12:00] the speaker for at least 10, 15 minutes as they're sharing. And if I feel like the speaker's going into like blaming language or saying You never do this, I then kind of interject and say, Hey, can we reframe that?

And then they're able to do that. And then the listener has to take notes. So my couples have notebooks that they have to take notes on. Wow. To then paraphrase, to kind of have any questions, to get more clarification on what the speaker is saying. And then we'll kind of reverse. So that's something that I teach. And then I have the couples also take it outside. 

How do you take at least 15 minutes out of your week and practice this? And it can be anything. It can be about the kids, it can be about what we have to do next month. It can be about something maybe you've been having a hard time with for the past few months, or it can be something that you've already started in therapy and you wanna continue and then we kind of bring it back, right?

V: I really like the way that you have them practice communicating within your space. I never thought about, because I don't do couples work, but about [00:13:00] taking notes while the other person is speaking because then that's teaching them how to mindfully listen and not just to listen for a response, but to listen and reflect well, how is this other person feeling? Having empathy, taking perspective, as we said before, which is a huge piece that I find all of us really worldwide are missing when we communicate, which is why we come across a lot of disagreements and misunderstandings, and it's just because we're looking at it from our lane and not from the other side.

Sheila: Mm-hmm. And when you mentioned the, not responding, because I don't think in those moments we are responding, we are reacting. Right? And we're more in a place of like, but let me tell you why I see it this way. 

V: Mm-hmm. 

Sheila: And that allows you to slow down and to really practice a skillset of active listening. We think we're great listeners, but we're not, we're usually listening to throw shade shades or throw bombs, right? And I'm like, no, we're gonna really pace this out because actively listening means you have to be present, right? You have to be [00:14:00] curious, and you have to be in a space of learning from your partner versus learning what your role is in this space. Which is why I say let's put a pin on it. Taking notes is important because I always go back into like school, like how do we learn a new skill set? How do we learn something new? I believe as humans, we're visuals. So hearing writing it allows us to really again, be present. 

V: Yeah. 

Sheila: And then with that, right when the listener is then sharing, I also give a space of like, how did that feel? And many times the listener is like, oh, I started to feel defense come in me. So it was really hard to stay present. And then I really enjoy hearing that because then that's the compassion, the self-compassion, right? The tenderness that we're human, and this is hard, but the more we allow ourselves to practice, it becomes a skillset, like any other skill set that we have. And then you're able to just relate to each other differently and it doesn't have to be in this escalated or disconnected way. 

V: Right. And I appreciate how [00:15:00] you're talking about being present, how being curious because when it comes to, obviously free to be mindful, I describe mindfulness as paying attention to the right here and right now with kindness and with curiosity. And when I say kindness is not just obviously being kindness to other people, but it's being kind to yourself, which is where that compassion comes in from your practice. But then that curiosity part is also like we don't have the answers to everything. We can always learn. We can always wonder and be inquisitive about things. And in this case, in therapy relationships and or about ourselves.

So even though I work with Littles and you work with bigs with the parents, there is a lot of overlap there. And I just wanted to also bring out to the listeners or to the viewers, if you're viewing on YouTube that when you have children in therapy or when you're considering, should my child go to therapy? You know, maybe it's not a big deal, but maybe they can enhance, these skills depending on what conflict it is that they're going through in life or within themselves. 

That's why this is so important, because I'm sure that the [00:16:00] skills that you learn or perhaps don't learn as a child come up in your relationships when you grow up.

Sheila: Yes. And it's funny because I usually bring a lot of like child analogies and teenagers, and I'm like, what part of you, you, you think it's speaking to your partner right now? Mm. Because I'll get the attitude and like the different, and I'm like, oh, I think that's like teenager you right coming up.

Because most of us didn't didn't grow up in families or cultures where emotional attunement- and attunement means like, can I really be empathetic to this other person's feelings? Right? We're always taught, you gotta be kind to others, and then how do we even give that to ourselves?

So, there's such a parallel, which is why I, I admire folks who work with children because it's the same, to be honest. There's a lot of emotional regulation that I also teach a lot of self-soothing. The context is different, but, if you had to work with a couple, you have the skillset to do it. It'll feel [00:17:00] scary, but it's essentially, it's a lot of the same foundational work. Because I'm working with two people, unless they've been in individual therapy for a while and they've done, you know, their work, I'm working with their inner child with their younger versions of themselves. And then how are we connecting it now as adults? So there's a lot of that happening as well. 

V: Absolutely. So let's take it back to the tips. When it comes to you and your relationship, regardless of what type of relationship it is, what are your perhaps top few tips that you have for couples for them to really make it in life?

Sheila: Rituals of connection. That's like the couples therapy term. I think it's pretty self-explanatory, but if not. Practices, mindful moments. I've been actually using moments a lot, in the couples that I've been working with recently because I think sometimes, especially as we continue in our long-term relationships, we think , oh, for me to connect with my partner, I have to go on vacation or we have to go on like a dinner date, like this big [00:18:00] thing.

And I'm like, no. Emotional connections is moments, right? Yes. And what can that look like? The same way that just as an individual we're like, oh, we wanna do more self care. What does that look like? What is the self care for your relationship? If that's sending a cute message saying, I was thinking about you right? Or I'm super proud of you.

And this is something recently I did with my husband is like, our little one was the shower. Our big one was like doing something in the room. We had music, we were kind of cleaning up the kitchen, and then he just pulled and we started dancing. Right? We didn't have to leave the house in the past. Yeah, right. That's a moment.

I think too often couples move away, especially once they get out of the honeymoon stage, that it has to look a certain way and that we forget. It's the moment, the mindful moments of, Hey, before you rush out to work, can we just stay here five minutes and have coffee? 

V: Right.

Sheila: Right. Can we, make sure bedtime, let's say instead of just going to sleep. Can we make sure we at least kiss each [00:19:00] other, right? Or like say something we're grateful for whatever it is. And that's something that I give examples, but I also like couples to get creative. 

V: Yeah. 

Sheila: Moments, right? We're sometimes too focus on these bigger things, right? And we live in a capitalist world where the commercials, especially for Valentine's Day, right? The mm-hmm. What is it? The K and the Zelle and whatever. These like jewelry commercials. It's like these big moments and I'm like. That's fantasy. That's not reality. When you have a full job or you have kids raising, right, you're taking care of family, like there's just a lot of busyness.

How do we find these moments to connect? If that's through words, if that's physical touch, kind of like love languages, if you wanna talk about it in those ways. Mm-hmm. But more something that makes sense. 

V: That definitely does make sense and what I hear you saying is that it doesn't have to be this big occasion, this huge date, this going on vacation. Although sitting under a palm trees is always fantastic with your loved one. But it can be those little, whether it be that [00:20:00] pillow talk or the dancing in the kitchen with the kids, and then we have a dog jumping in. That's what happens in my house. But these little things where you're just connecting in these small ways because it really is the little things that leads towards the big things in the long term success, you can say in a relationship or connection. 

Sheila: So when part of my like assessment, right, when I'm learning about a couple's history is what did dating look like? And I think too often the curiosity and kind of like that- tell me more about your life- goes away as external stressors become more of the priority. And I like to bring that up because I always see the smile them looking at each other when they're talking about like. Who text who first. Right. How did they meet? Right. The Tinders. I have a few couples like Tinder, Bumble, right. And I'm like, oh, so they've made it, the dating app aren't so bad. , Because it allowed me to say, this was here. How do you think it has like dissolved? Or how come it doesn't take as much precedence as you know before? And it goes back to like some of these tips is.[00:21:00]

How can I still show interest? 

V: Hmm. 

Sheila: Right? How can I still ask questions? And I think we get stuck in like, oh, what do we have to do tomorrow? What do we have this weekend? Versus like, where do you see yourself in five years? And I have a whole list I recommend. I've done like the Gottman training and like what that means is science and clinical work, which I love 'cause it's like practical tools, but then also, the clinical aspect and working with couples. They have like a deck of cards. They have an app. So I'll recommend that for couples if they don't really know, they can't create questions. And even if they do two or three of those, , once a week, it allowed them to learn more about each other and what's happening internally versus the type of focus on just work kids. And like, again, all the stressors. Yeah, because it takes away, again, from this dating each other and continuously being, interested. 'Cause it sucks after 20 years. Sometimes I hear a couple say like, I don't even know if my partner even likes me. And that's sad, [00:22:00] right? 

V: Yeah. 

Sheila: Like, do you even like me as a person? Like, yeah, I love you, I care for you, but I'm like, the liking goes in the shared interests, right? And again, creating these moments, these rituals where we're able to just connect with ourselves for a few minutes. 

V: That goes such a long way. And I hope that it at least, you know, put the, the curiosities, the wonderings into the listener's ears so that you can begin listeners, you can begin to ask yourself, what can I do in the relationship I am now to keep that communication alive, the curiosity alive, and I'm imagining the fun too, just keeping it fun. And it doesn't need to be going on a rollercoaster, going on a plane, but it can be just the little things that you find in your every day. 

Sheila: this is when I get very structured because I'm like, if it's not on the calendar, it's not happening. And I do the same thing with sex, right? Sometimes surprising when couples are like, I don't wanna schedule sex. I'm like, don't you remember when you were dating and you only saw each other maybe once a week? Right? That was [00:23:00] scheduled. It wasn't intentional, right? It's not like you're thinking, oh, I'm only going to have sex with you because I only see you once a week. But it's scheduling. Why? Because. You both were living life in a way that you had limited time.

The concept is still the same now when you have kids, right? When you have things, and it sounds weird, but, it can still be spontaneous. It can still be exciting to say, Hey, I know . Mom has a kids next Friday night, we're gonna just book at a hotel for a few hours. You get to like think like, oh, how do I wanna dress? Right? That anticipation can also be fun, right? So that's an example with sex, but I use the same thing with anything else. If it's, again. We wanna make sure that we can't go under palm trees, but what if, I don't know, we put a nice YouTube, right? The kids are somewhere in the room, and then we're, we make some like margaritas and we like sit on the floor. Like if we're at the beach, I don't know. But can we plan it? Because in theory it sounds cute. I'm like, [00:24:00] yeah, we can do this. But it's kind of like that concept of like, what is it called? Habit stacking.

Right. So how can we put this with something that we already do? But again, if we're not seeing it, or if we're not planning it to a certain extent , it's gonna fall within the cracks. And I'm like, it's not going to feel as rigid for ever. It's like, how can we make sure if it's like once a month, that it's every eighth of the month that you're doing it this way and you're prepping, because then eventually it becomes more authentic, more natural, and it's part of your routine.

Similar to that workout that you wanna get in, right? Or that salsa class you wanna take. It's scheduled. So we have to do the same. If you think about it, a lot of things in life are not spontaneous. A lot of things in life are plans, right? Are structured. So we have to kind of take the same approach at first, and then of course, right, we can kind of like, it can look a little different. But that's another tip that I'll give in terms of creating a practice or a ritual, because a lot of the [00:25:00] times it won't happen if you're not intentional.

V: And that's the word that I use within my framework is just having intentionality of the things that you wanna accomplish. Like you said, whether it be a workout, whether it be playing on the floor with your kids, whether it be like going to whatever meeting you have to go to, you have to be intentional for the things that you want to happen.

And that's true within your relationship as well, whether it be one year in 15 years in, or hopefully 25, 35 and so on. 

Sheila: and one more tip that I would give is. I know physical affection, and I'm not referring to sex at this moment. It is just any type of like hugging, cuddling, holding hands, rubbing, right, massaging. A lot of that I've noticed, it kind of starts to diminish and. Sex, you know, sexual intimacy as a whole other conversation for another day, but physical intimacy, right? Touching affection, as humans, we, we, we need it.

And I'm sure you have your own experience working with children, like kids need [00:26:00] those hugs, they need, the holding of the hands, the co-regulation. Right. Which is like soothing together. Right. How do you support that? Adults need that too. I think we've moved away and this through like culture and collectivism comes into play when I'm working with couples. It's like we live in a world that everything is like individualized and like it's me. I'll figure it out. I got it. Like I'll hug myself and it's like. No. As humans, we need other humans. Yeah. So that's also part of the teaching.

And with that is I ask like, when was the last time you guys made out? And they laugh at me and, and I'm like, when was like, do you give each other a kiss or a hug when you leave the house or when you come home? Right. I start to see how some are like, yeah, some are like, no. Or like it happens sometimes I'm like, how do we create, again, a consistency because that's part of it. Sometimes it's not always about like, can we sit down and talk? Sometimes it's just like, oh, I really appreciated that kiss that you gave me before I left because I'm really nervous about a meeting that I have at work. Yeah, [00:27:00] and that made a difference, right? So that's also something that I help couples kind of integrate.

When we've been together either for a certain while or like again, life gets busy or just the kids have all the intention at work. And it's like, no, we still need that. Even if it's not, again, a long hot make out session, like the way it was early on, but. Still being able to, to do that because it just gives it that connection. But then also you're important to me, right? Without, yeah. Maybe having to use your words. 

V: Yeah, while sprinkling in fun and spice as well. 'cause that's important to, to leave in there too. And what I hope that listeners and viewers really keep in mind as you're listening to these awesome tips that can be implemented again any time of the year, not just on Valentine's Day, is that this isn't to get to a point of judging your relationship because that is the final part of the definition of mindfulness. When I talk about. Being present in the right here, right now with [00:28:00] kindness and curiosity, but leaving judgment out of it.

So when you're hearing Sheila speak and thinking about, you know, am I doing this? Does my partner do this or not do this? It's not about judging the partner or judging the relationship. But it's really thinking about what's the one thing I can begin to implement that perhaps was lost through time, that we can start to bring back, to bring that fun and spice and curiosity within your relationship. So leave the judgment aside and just get to work. 

Sheila: Yes. Yes. What I'm sharing is something that's just been normalized and unfortunately we don't have control over that. Right. We either saw our parents never kiss or never talk about anything. Mm-hmm. , Or maybe we see other couples same way. Right. Couples who don't even, we go on dates and like everyone's just kind of walking. I'm like, I'm still gonna hold my man's hand. Like Right. We don't get to do this with our 4-year-old because we have to hold his, but Right. Yes. No judgment in that.

And even if judgment is coming in, how come? Because that's [00:29:00] maybe just a part of you that's like, I miss this, and that's where we wanna go. So I think as humans, we're going to feel judgment. Just don't stay there too long is mm-hmm. How can just go into, like, I miss this, right? I loved when we used to do this. So like, I would love to do something new, right? And like, how can we all allow ourselves to go in that way? 

V: I love it. Well, these tips are absolutely amazing. I really appreciate you sharing your time, your expertise, and again, the way that people can keep their relationships alive with a lot of intentionality.

Sheila, if I were to ask you, what is one thing you wanna be remembered for in this world, what would that one thing be?

Sheila: That's such a tough question. It's tough, but I think I have a calling in community and a community. That's where it comes relationships, right? So I really want to be reminded for supporting relationships and whatever capacity that might be, and [00:30:00] reminding folks that it doesn't have to be bad.

V: I love it. Well, we thank you so much for being on. We know that you are licensed in New Jersey and New York. 

Sheila: Almost Connecticut 

V: and almost Connecticut. But how can people work if they're not in New Jersey, New York, or Connecticut? Because you do do virtual sessions. So if you're in those states, you can work with Sheila as your therapist. But outside of those states, how can people work with you and where can they find you? 

Sheila: Yes. So I'm implementing also coaching. So if that's one-on-one, if that's, again, even with couples, which is more providing tools help to move forward, which is what's going to distinguish my therapy work with couples versus, working with a couple anywhere in the world is like, how do you take these tools right to connect emotionally, to talk better, to go on dates, whatever the thing is.

And I've also been a little bit more intentional in my social media, which is

[00:31:00] connect with Sheila on Instagram

sheila Arias, LMFT on TikTok 

and then my website, which is compassion therapy.com and compassion is with one s.

And then you can find how I work with couples, with individuals, and no matter who I work with, it's very cultural and relational. Again, I like to bring in all those factors into the work, and most importantly, just compassion as well. 

V: I love it. Those handles were across the screen or they can also be found in the show notes, please be sure to reach out to Sheila if you have any questions.

And Sheila, thank you so much for your time, energy, and expertise today. 

Sheila: Of course. Thank you for having me. 

V: Once again, thank you to Shayla for spending some time with us today. As always with a guest. I really want you to think of that one takeaway. Yes, she said many amazing tips, but what is the one thing that you can walk away with and that you can begin to implement today? Is that sending your partner a [00:32:00] text? Is that holding hands the next time you're together? Is that making time for pillow talk or for intentional connection? Whatever it is, making sure that you try it, even if it's with a little bit of discomfort 'cause perhaps it seems foreign or outdated or weird. But knowing that the more you practice it, the more it becomes second nature, and with time, the more you enhance those connections within your relationship and the relationship itself. 

As always, thank you so much for tuning in. Please share this episode with a friend or perhaps with a partner who can also benefit from hearing this message. And as always, remember in a world where you're free to be anything you are always free to be mindful and catch you next time.