FTBM Podcast Ep312: Building Without a Blueprint

FTBM Podcast Ep312: Building Without a Blueprint

Vanessa: [00:00:00] The month of May is always so full. We've got communions, Mother's Day, spring concerts, recitals, end of the year celebrations. And for me personally, I always have some personal and business celebrations that I can't wait to share with you today.

So if you've ever wondered what it actually looks like to build something without a blueprint, and to nurture it through every single season, and to keep showing up even when life hands you something that you didn't plan for, this episode is for you.

Let's get into it

You're listening to the Free To Be Mindful podcast, where busy moms get practical tips and real talk conversations to find calm, joy, and a little more breathing room in everyday life. I'm Vanessa, licensed therapist, mom coach, and a mom to a tween and toddler. Each week, we get honest about motherhood and mindset, helping you live with more presence, less pressure, without losing your...

well, you know. Here we go

Hello and welcome to episode 312 of [00:01:00] the Free to Be Mindful podcast. We hope that you're feeling good, looking good, and doing better in this world than you were yesterday.

So last year was the first time that I've ever heard the concept of Maycember. And if you've never heard of it, Maycember is the idea that for moms, the month of May feels exactly like the month of December feels like. There's so much to do, so many places to be, so many events stacked on the calendar, And somehow it all lands at the same time, and it feels like there's no room to breathe.

And I feel that too, but I always have four big milestones, both personal and in business life, that all fall during this month. And I've come to believe that it's not exactly a coincidence.

The first one is the most personal, and it's that this week my husband and I are celebrating 15 years of marriage. 15 years. And I'll tell you, before I got married, I remember asking my mom, who's now been married to my dad for 47 years this year. And I asked her, "How is it that you don't get [00:02:00] bored being married to the same person for so long?"

And she gave me the kind of answer that only makes complete sense when you're actually in it. And she said that you have to keep it interesting, but more importantly, that you have to continuously nurture the relationship. And I now understand that completely because anything worth having, you always have to nurture it.

And going on that theme of nurturing something over the course of time is exactly what this episode is about. Because today, my friends, Free to Be Mindful celebrates seven years. Seven years old. And I have so much that I want to share with you. I'm, I'm Kool-Aid smiling.

So let me take you back where it all started, which was actually November 2018. I was working with an in-home client at the time, and when I got to the client's home, the mom just broke down. She was just carrying so much stress, so much overwhelm. And in that moment, after she was just letting it all go, I understood something very clearly. That was that no matter how much [00:03:00] good work I did one-on-one with the child, the moms need support too. And if the mom didn't get that support, the work that I was doing was only gonna get so far.

And it was out of that moment that the idea for Amiga Moms was born. Then a couple of months later, on May 4, 2019, I hosted what I called at the time an Amiga Mom Social because honestly, who wants to go to a conference on a Saturday, right? And I didn't have a formal business structure in place, but I did have a blogging website. But really nothing official. It was just an idea, and I believed in it enough to plan, and it sold out. It was absolutely wonderful.

And then twenty days later, on May twenty-fourth, Free to Be Mindful was born. And the original vision was simple. It was a part-time private practice working with kids after school and then supporting moms through the subsidiary of Amiga Moms. And that was it.

And if you'd seen my first logo and my first website, both of which I built myself, [00:04:00] you would have seen that very clearly. And if you're actually watching this on YouTube right now, you'll see that first logo variation flash across the screen. And it was simple, right? And it reflected the work that I wanted to do at the time and what I thought that Free to Be Mindful was going to be.

But here's what happened. I was leaving my house at seven in the morning to go to my full-time job as a school counselor and wasn't getting home until after seven at night because after school, I was seeing my private practice clients. And on top of that, I had public speaking engagements every so often and then monthly Amiga Moms events.

And all of that was while having my young son at home and his extracurriculars. And the following years, I then created the Free to Be Mindful podcast. And I quickly understood that I was going to be heading towards burnout if something didn't change. So at the end of twenty twenty-one, I made the decision to go into private practice and entrepreneurship full-time.

And from that decision, Free to Be Mindful has become [00:05:00] what it is today, which is a therapy private practice serving kids, tweens, and teens, and moms right here in the state of New Jersey. It also has this podcast, which is now in its seventh season with over 300 episodes. It has a speaking and consulting practice where I bring this work into schools, entrepreneurial spaces, and businesses.

I do therapy dog visits to school and businesses within my area with my certified therapy goldendoodle, Ollie. And I have a newsletter and a social media presence, including our YouTube channel. And then Amiga Moms, which has now become a coaching practice for women leaders available to moms anywhere on the face of the globe.

So seven years of all of this, and showing up for all of it, but also one thing at a time.

And here's what I want you to know. I did this all without a blueprint, especially when I first started, there was no coach, no mentor sitting across from me telling me what to do next, no roadmap that laid it all out.

There wasn't [00:06:00] even AI in the way that there is today. I was truly figuring it all out by myself as I went with the resources I had, the community that I had around me, and just a lot of faith that it was going to end up someplace meaningful.

And I think that that's the most important thing to name because I know that I'm not the only one who's built something in that way. A lot of us, a lot of women specifically, are building things, whether it be businesses, a career, a family, a version of ourselves which we've never seen before, without anyone handing us over instructions or a blueprint.

And what I've come to understand, looking back at these seven years, is what I carried with me wasn't a plan, it was intention.

And if you've been here long enough, you know I talk about my Mindful Living Framework, and intention is one of the pillars in that framework. And looking back, it's really almost a North Star of everything that I've ever built because I didn't know exactly what Free to Be Mindful would become, but I [00:07:00] did know why I was building it.

I wanted to serve something greater than myself. I wanted to have a broader impact than what I felt that I had in the roles that I was already in. And that why held everything together, when the how was still completely unclear.

And I believe that's true for you too. You don't have to have the full picture, but you do need to know why you're moving. Those values need to be named.

And now as the years have gone on, Free to Be Mindful has evolved as I've grown, both as a therapist and as an entrepreneur. And what it looks like today is a reflection of who I've become through every single season of building it, and I don't think that that's by accident, right? The work shapes you, and you shape the work right back.

And what I know now, after seven years of this, and 15 years of marriage, is what it takes to nurture a business and what it takes to nurture a relationship are honestly [00:08:00] the very same things.

You show up even when you don't feel like it. You let it evolve instead of forcing it to stay what it was. You stop trying to make year seven look like year one. And you allow it to be what it is right now instead of what you imagined it to be.

Allowance is another pillar of the Mindful Living Framework, and it's one that I've had to practice over and over and over again because my natural instinct is to push, right? Is to go at 150 miles an hour, is to do more, and is to just figure it out. But allowing is the harder thing. And it's what's made most room for my growth.

And this connects directly into the third May milestone, which is that just two weeks ago, the Latinx Practice Collective, which is a coaching and community platform for Latino private practice owners that I co-founded, it celebrated its three-year business anniversary.

And when my now business partner, Kathy, first asked me to [00:09:00] come on board and build something alongside her, I immediately said yes because I had that belief in the vision. And what that yes gave me was something that I hadn't had in my own entrepreneurial journey up until that point, which was a community of people who understood exactly what it meant to be doing this work in this field and as a Latinx professional.

I allowed that to come into my life and to follow it because it aligned with who I was and the work that I was doing, and my personal journey.

And then life handed me something that I did not have in the plans, in the thoughts, in anything besides a prayer that I had kind of had come to terms with, and that was I became a mom again after 40 with three businesses already in motion. And I'm going to share much more of that in an upcoming episode because that story deserves its own space.

But what I'll say here is this: I wanted to keep doing everything at the exact same [00:10:00] pace that I was going at because it was working, right? And my body and my life were telling me, "Girl, you need to slow down." They were telling me something completely different.

And I wanted to do all the things at once. That's just the way that I function. But I had to learn that wanting to do all the things at once isn't actually a strength. And it's not a strength especially if it costs you the ability to actually be present for any of them.

And that's where compassion comes in, which is another one of the pillars of my framework. Compassion for yourself is actually one of the hardest ones for me personally. Because I hold myself to a high standard, I always have. But both of my kids have taught me how to slow down and how to actually enjoy the life I've worked so hard to build. My tween will ask me something out of nowhere that stops me completely , and my toddler will literally grab my face or my hair with both of her hands and make sure that I'm [00:11:00] looking at her before she pulls me in the direction that she wants me to go in.

And in those moments, I'm not running a business, right? I'm not an entrepreneur. I'm not a speaker or podcast host. In those moments, I'm just mami, right? I'm just a mom present right there, and that is the practice.

Having compassion for yourself looks like actually allowing yourself to be in your life, not just managing it to what you think it should be, but what it actually is.

And as I look ahead, what I keep coming back to is that we must trust our intuition about what's next. There are some new things coming to the Free to Be Mindful practice as early as this fall, and bigger things in the works for the coming years. And in addition to the therapy practice, I have big ideas for Amiga Moms and for the Collective and for other things that my heart and my mind are [00:12:00] currently calling on. And I may not know what the exact following chapters may look like in full, but what I do know is the direction that my heart is moving in.

And when the time is right, I'll share these things all with you. And I want you to know now, though, that following your intuition doesn't mean you have to have it all figured out. But what it does mean is that you trust the direction you're already moving in, even without being able to see the full path. Seven years of evidence tells me that that works, and I am betting on it again

And none of this, not one piece of what I just described, happened without people. And I wanted to bring this aspect to light with the next pillar of my Mindful Living framework that has really carried me through these past seven years, and that is the concept of gratitude.

To every single client and family who has trusted me with the hardest part of their lives, I don't take it lightly, not for one [00:13:00] session. To every listener who has shown up for this podcast week after week, who has shared an episode with a friend, who has taken the time to leave a Google review or a podcast review, I thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me and how much it helps more people find this show.

And to every single school district, every single organization, every business that has brought me in as your speaker and consultant, thank you for believing that this work belongs in your rooms and in your spaces.

And to the communities that I'm a part of, the Latinx Practice Collective, and the many organizations that have supported me and that I get to support in return, thank you for the reminder that we're always stronger together than we are alone.

Seven years of people saying yes to what I was building even before I fully could see it myself, and I truly don't take that for granted.

And if this is resonating with you, [00:14:00] if the idea of moving from survival mode to intentional living, of building with intention, practicing allowance, leading with compassion, and operating from a place of gratitude feels like something your team, your school, your organization needs, I do bring my framework into schools, entrepreneurial spaces, and businesses. I want you to know that I am available for speaking engagements and private one-to-one mom coaching, and the link for all that can be found in my show notes.

So before we close, I want to give you a moment, because this episode, while I shared about the past seven years, it isn't about me. It's truly about you and what you're nurturing. I just share my story to give you a vision, but I want you to reflect upon your own journey and make some decisions for yourself.

I want you to think about one thing in your life that you've been showing up for consistently, showing up for imperfectly, without a guaranteed [00:15:00] outcome.

Maybe it's a relationship. Maybe it's something that you're building. Maybe it's your health or a dream you haven't fully named out loud yet. Bring that to mind. And then ask yourself, "What has this thing or this person asked of me? And what has it cost me? What has it given back, even quietly, even in ways I almost missed?"

And then ask yourself, "What would it mean to bring intention to it? To come back to why I started, even if the how has changed completely? What would it mean to practice allowance with it? To stop forcing it to look like what you imagined, and just to let it be what it is right now?"

What would it mean to offer yourself compassion in the middle of it? Not just when it's finished and not just when it's earned, but right now, in this season, as someone [00:16:00] who is just figuring it all out.

And lastly, what would it mean to hold gratitude for the people who've shown up for this thing alongside you, even if it's been imperfect, and even if it's been just a little.

Amiga, you're nurturing something. That idea matters. And I want you to know that so do you.

If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend or an Amiga mom who's also in the middle of building something and who needs to hear that not having the blueprint doesn't mean she's doing it wrong, because she's not. She's actually doing it.

And if you wanna connect about working together, whether that's therapy here in the state of New Jersey, mom coaching through Amiga Moms, or bringing me in to speak to your school, organization, or business, all of the links are found in the show notes.

And as always, with a heart filled of joy and gratitude, I remind [00:17:00] you that in a world where you are free to be anything, you're always free to be mindful.

Catch you next time. ​