Ep302: Performing and Celebrating on Empty

Vanessa: [00:00:00] I am so glad that you're here today because today this episode is for you. Not the role that you play, not the people who you take care of, but truly for you. Women's History Month starts now and we're starting it with intention. Here we go.

You are listening to the Free to Be Mindful podcast, where busy moms get practical tips and real talk conversations to find calm joy in a little more breathing room in everyday life. I'm Vanessa Licensed therapist, mom, coach, and a mom to a tween and toddler. Each week we get honest about motherhood and mindset helping you live with more presence, less pressure without losing your well, you know.

Here we go.

Hello and welcome to episode 302 of the Free To Be Mindful Podcast. I hope that you're feeling good, looking good and doing better in this world than you were yesterday. I am so glad that you're here, and I especially love that you're choosing to start your month [00:01:00] of March with a little intentionality.

You know, it's funny, my relationship with March has completely transformed over the years. When I was an educator, March was honestly my least favorite month. I felt like this endless stretch of days that you could see spring break on the horizon, but it was just so far away. And we would just grind, and the kids would get so restless, and the energy in the building would just get heavy. And there was no holiday, no break, nothing to anchor the week, just work, work, work. And that long, relentless March, no pun intended, towards April, just seemed like it was never ending.

But now as an entrepreneur, March is one of my favorite months of the year, truly. Because there's so much energy throughout the entire month. There's so many events to attend, women to celebrate. Conversations are happening everywhere, whether I'm there as a Speaker or simply there as a member of the audience, [00:02:00] soaking it all in. The entire month feels like it's this beautiful buildup of women lifting each other, and honoring each other, and showing up for one another. And I'm here for every single bit of it.

And I wanna let you know that last week I had the privilege of attending a Galentines event sponsored by the 100 Hispanic women, the New Jersey chapter, which is an organization that I'm deeply connected to having served on that board. And it was an afternoon full of warmth, laughter, everybody looked gorgeous. It was amazing.

And something happened to me that I wasn't expecting. A woman came up to me, someone that I had not met before. She introduced herself as a regular listener of the podcast, and she looked me in the eyes and told me how much the show had meant to her, not just as a listener, but as a woman, and as a mom. And she shared how it had me, like a real positive difference in her life.

And I could not stop smiling! [00:03:00] Because podcasting can be such a one sided thing, right? I pour so much into these episodes, the research, the preparation, the vulnerability of showing up and sharing pieces of myself week after week and year after year. And I don't always hear back from you naturally. So the feedback isn't always there. So to be standing in a room full of incredible women and have someone take the time to walk over, look me in the eye and say that the podcast has made a difference in their life, it really was impactful for me. 

And if you're listening right now, by the way, you know who you are. Truly thank you from the bottom of my heart, because it meant more to me than you know.

And here's why I'm sharing this story with you as we kick off this episode. Because what she did for me in that moment is exactly what I want to do for you today. She saw me, she reflected something back to me that I [00:04:00] had been pouring out without fully receiving back, and that's what this episode is about.

It's women's history month and today I wanna make sure that you, yes, you actually actually feel that.

So I wanna ask you something that I think we don't ask ourselves enough, and that is, What does Women's History Month actually mean to you? Right now in your real, actual life? I know for kids it means that they have to pick a woman to do a report on, right? But for us as adults, really, what does it mean to you?

Not hashtag version. Not the LinkedIn post that you're planning to write or already wrote. Not the event that you're organizing for your team or your company or your community. I mean, really for you, what does this month mean to the woman behind all of those things?

Because here's something that I've noticed, and if this lands for you, I really want you to sit with it. Women, especially [00:05:00] women in leadership, are often the architects, the women behind it all of Women's History Month. We put together the panels, we write the company statements. We nominate the award recipients. We mentor younger women on our teams. And we champion everyone else's stories while our own stories sit quietly on a shelf that we probably haven't opened up in a very long time.

Truly, when it boils down to it, we perform celebration. And performing celebration while running on empty is its own kind of exhaustion. Trust me, I know from personal experience. And there is a very particular type of loneliness in being the symbol of something that you haven't personally had the space to feel.

And I think a lot of us know that feeling, even if we don't say it out loud. So today I want to give you something different. I wanna give you permission, explicit, out loud permission to receive this month. Not just to run it, not just to give [00:06:00] it to everyone around you, but to actually let it land on you. Because Women's History Month isn't just a cultural observance. When you approach it mindfully, intentionally, it becomes an invitation. An invitation to reclaim, to restore, and to rise. 

That's exactly what we're going to do together today. I wanna walk you through these three words, reclaim, restore, and rise. And I want you to remember them because by the time that we get to the end of the episode, they're gonna mean something very specific to you.

So the first invitation is to reclaim. And I want you to think about this. What story about yourself as a woman have you let go dormant? Have you forgotten about? Not the story that you tell in a bio or on a resume, but really the deeper one, the one about who you are and what you're [00:07:00] capable of, and what you've once dreamed of before all of these roles and titles piled on. Before you became someone's mother, someone's manager, someone's everything. Who were you?

You know, my 12-year-old son, who is one of the most reflective kids that I know, and I have no idea where he gets it from, he asked me recently, Mami, do you remember what it was like when we were a family of three? And do you miss it? And I told him, of course I remember, but I don't miss it because your sister has bought so much joy into this family and into the world, and now I can't imagine it any other way.

And I wanna carry that same energy into this question for you today. Do you remember who you were before you became someone's mother? Before the titles, or responsibilities, the roles that quietly shape your whole identity? And I'm not asking because that version was better. I'm asking [00:08:00] because she's still in there and parts of her are absolutely worth reclaiming.

Because here's what happens to so many women, and it happens gradually so truly, we barely even notice it. We start to live almost from the outside looking in right. Our identity becomes a function of what we do, who we are, who we care for, and what others expect from us. And the parts of ourselves that don't fit neatly into these boxes, into these roles- for example, the ambitious parts, the creative parts, the parts that want more or want something different- those parts then go quiet. And not because they're gone, but because we stop making room for them, we stop making them a priority.

I want you to know that reclaiming doesn't have to be this dramatic or this big thing. And it doesn't have to mean blowing up every part of your life or making some grand declaration. Sometimes reclaiming is as [00:09:00] simple as saying, "I remember that about myself, and I'm not done with that part yet." Or, "I want to get that part back."

I'll share mine with you because vulnerability is what I've built this space and this podcast on that for me, what I'm reclaiming this month is my physical health. And more specifically, yoga and salsa dancing. For decades those were my two saving graces, and I would work out in other ways, shapes and forms, but that's really what brings me the most peace and the most joy, both of them in their own right. And not dancing for fun or going out on a Saturday night. I mean like salsa as a workout, as a ritual, and unapologetically mine. And for yoga, I mean just a space for me to really turn inwards and drop all of this stuff, all of the masks that we wear. It's been at least two years or more [00:10:00] really, that I've done any of it with consistency, and my daughter's about to turn two in June, so you can do the math on that one.

But honestly, it started fading long before she even arrived. Life just got full, and schedules became impossible. My gym closed down during COVID, and that obviously changed us all. But then part of me quietly stepped aside to make room for everything and everyone else. And I let it. And we as women do that quite often.

But I remember her, I remember that girl, that woman who moved her body because it made her feel alive. Not because she had to, but because it lit something up inside of her. And this month, I'm, calling her back.

So I want you to sit with this question this week. What is one thing about yourself, a strength, a dream, a version of you that you've been quietly putting on the shelf? What would it look like [00:11:00] to take her off the shelf even for just a little this month? You don't have to answer that question right now, but I invite you to stay curious about it.

So the second invitation that I have for you is to restore. And I wanna be really specific here because Restore can feel like a spa day or a bubble bath, but that's not what I'm talking about. Though, if that's what you need, you know, it's great, so please go ahead. But what I mean by restore is what has been depleting you in a way that you've been ignoring.

Is that your energy? Because carrying the mental load at home and at work is real and it's heavy, and a lot of women are operating on a level of fatigue that they've normalized to the point where they don't even register it as fatigue anymore. It just feels like a random Tuesday.

Is it your confidence? Because imposter syndrome doesn't just live in beginners. Some of the most accomplished women I know [00:12:00] carry just a quiet little voice in the back of their heads that asks, " but am I really good enough yet? Or do I truly deserve this" even after decades of proof? And yes, yes, they are good enough.

Or is it your sense of self. That feeling of knowing who you are beneath all the things that you do. When was the last time that you just sat with yourself without an agenda, without a task to complete or without a problem to solve? Just you, with you?

For me personally, what needs restoring right now is my voice. Not my literal voice. Clearly, that's working just fine. But I mean, the voice that speaks up for herself, that speaks for everyone else. The one that says, actually, I need to do this, or I need this for me before automatically pivoting to what everyone else around me needs. That's the one that I'm working on. And if you have a version of that, a voice, a need, a part of yourself that keeps getting skipped [00:13:00] over, I want you to hold onto that today.

Restoration from a mental health perspective isn't just about recovery, right? It's really about reconnecting. Reconnecting with what matters, with yourself, and when we're disconnected from ourselves, we've been in output mode for so long that we've forgotten what input even feels like, we then lose access to every wisdom and intuition that makes us effective leaders, and loving parents, and whole human beings.

So this month I wanna invite you to do one restorative thing, just one, not 100, right? For you, overachievers like myself, just one. That is purely unambiguously you. And not for your family, or for your team, not for the greater good, but just for you. Because Amiga, I want you to know that you matter, not because of what you produce, but because simply of who you are.

And the third invitation that I have [00:14:00] for you is to rise. Now if you didn't know- because I definitely did not- every year, women's History Month has a specific theme. And the official theme for 2026 is Leading the Change, Women Shaping a Sustainable Future. And I love that. I do, but I wanna bring it all the way home for you because I think that sometimes big themes can sound nice and feel inspiring and then be invisible in practice.

So I'm not asking you what change you're leading in the world today? But what I am asking is What does leading the change look like in your life right now? Or this month? Maybe it's saying yes to something that you've been afraid to try or to reach for. Maybe it's saying no to something that has been quietly draining you. Maybe it's a conversation you've been avoiding. Or maybe it's simply deciding that this is the month that you stop waiting for permission to take up space.

[00:15:00] Rising doesn't always look like a grand gesture. Sometimes rising looks like a woman quietly choosing herself. Choosing her own peace and her own worth. And then getting up the next morning and choosing it again.

So here's your intention for this month. I want you to choose one word. One word that represents what you're stepping into for the month of March. Not what you're letting go of, that's for another episode. But one word that you're stepping into. Is it visibility, ease, boldness, joy, rest, voice, boundaries, whatever it is. Let that word be your compass, your guide for the next 30 days or 28 days, depending on when you're listening to this. Let it be the filter through which you make these big decisions in your life and write it down somewhere so that you see it and then you don't forget about it.

And I want you to sit in that space for a moment because I think [00:16:00] that we rush past intentions, the way that we rush past everything else in life. We pick a word, feel good about it for like 30 seconds, and then the next notification comes in and then it's gone. So I'm asking you to do something a little different. Don't just choose a word, but let it choose you. Notice what came up before you had a chance to overthink it, right? That first whisper. That's usually the truest thing, the truest thing in our hearts, and we just have to learn to listen to it.

If right now you're thinking, Vanessa, I don't even have time for a word, I barely have time for this podcast, then your word might be time, or space, or enough. Because the fact that you're here listening, even if you're multitasking, is already an act of rising. So don't put that off, don't discount that.

Women's History Month isn't about things that just happened in our past. You are making it right now. You're making women's history right now. With every choice, with every boundary. Every time you show up [00:17:00] fully as yourself, you are choosing it, you're making it. And THAT Amigas is worth celebrating.

So I want to leave you with something that you can carry out of this episode and into your day, your week, your months. And as we close with your guided reflective moment, I want you to know that it isn't about releasing or letting go. It's really about opening what's already in you, what's been waiting, what's ready to just be called out of you?

And if you can, I want you to, regardless of what you're doing, feel your feet on the floor. Try to soften your shoulders and your jaw, which holds so much of our energy. And take a breath, long breath in and a slow exhale out. And I want you to bring awareness into your body, feeling where you are right now, even if you are in movement. [00:18:00] And if you can place a hand on your heart. Feel your heart actually beating. Knowing that this body has carried you through everything. Every hard seasons, every role, every demand placed on it. And still, here you are -rising.

And I want you to bring to mind that word. You chose the word for this month, not this entire year, just this month. And if it hasn't come to you yet, that's okay. Just notice what feeling is present for you right now, and even name that. And let whatever word it is that comes to mind, let it settle in your body, not just in your mind, but truly in your body. Like where do you feel it? Is it in your chest? In your shoulders? In your mind? In your spine, lengthening just a little?

And notice whatever is happening that is you stepping into yourself. That is a [00:19:00] reclaiming. That is a restoring. That is the rising. All three happening in this very moment. And on your next exhale, let yourself feel what it is to be a woman who's ready. Not a woman who's perfect, or finished, but just ready.

And when you're ready, you can bring your attention back and know that this feeling right now, it belongs to you. It belongs to you all month, and all life long.

So I thank you for being here today. Thank you for choosing to begin this month with intention. It matters and you matter. And before I let you go, if I stirred something in you today, and if you're ready to do that deeper work with real support, I want you to know where to find me, right?

So know that if you're a mom who's ready to stop running on empty and start showing up for [00:20:00] yourself, I offer one-to-one mom coaching through Amiga Moms to anyone on the face of the planet.

But then if you're a New Jersey resident looking for therapy for either yourself or your child, I'd be honored to work with you through my practice at free to be mindful.

And if you organization is looking for a speaker that brings both clinical expertise and real life experience to the stage that is absolutely something that I do, and that I'm booking for, for 2026. So all of those links are in the show notes. Please reach out and know that you don't have to figure it all out alone.

And this is just the beginning, on March 8th, which is International Women's Day, we're coming back with an episode about something that I think so many women are quietly struggling with, and that is what it actually feels to take up space, right? To be visible, to stop making yourself smaller so that everyone around you feels comfortable. And if that hit close to home just now, you don't wanna miss it. It goes [00:21:00] live every Monday morning on YouTube and on podcasts. So hopefully I'll see you there.

And in the meantime, I would absolutely love to hear what your one word is for the month. You can find me on all social channels @counselorvdejesus I hang out most on Instagram, so send me a dm, let me know. And don't forget to use the hashtag #freetobemndfulpodcast so that we can celebrate each other this month.

Until next time, remember, in a world where you're free to be anything, you're always free to be mindful. See you then. 

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